I’m middle aged, now what?
When you’re a young gay man age is a really big deal; you can’t wait to turn 18 and go off to college or get out into the world, then you’re waiting for 21 so that you can ditch the fake ID and get into the bars. After the euphoria wears off then the absolute dread at the thought of turning 30 sets in, which you soon get over once it happens and you realize it’s not the end of the world. Then for ten years you watch with fear and anxiety as the big 40 comes at you. We do this because we’ve been conditioned by our youth obsessed culture to believe that turning 40 is the gay equivalent of turning 65. Well my friends, I’m here to tell you that’s not the case at all.
I turned 40 in February of 2009 and it was one of the best birthdays of my life. I admit that I was apprehensive right up until the day it got here. The day came and I didn’t wake up covered in wrinkles with no sex drive; in fact, it was quite the opposite. I woke up feeling great and really tuned in to who I am and feeling like the best is yet to come.
A benefit of turning 40 is that you get this great party thrown for you by your friends and you’re also at the point where you friends can afford to spring for the good liquor and some real food. Not a bunch of two-buck-Chuck and a couple of bags of chips. I had a great party and a great birthday celebration that I managed to drag out for about a week. I can honestly say that I’ve never felt better about a lot of things and that I feel like I’m entering into the peak of my life and not a downward spiral towards a walker and incontinence pants.
Fast forward a year and a few months and I’m settling nicely into my 40’s and I’m learning the ropes of this new decade of my life. Some of the things that I learned are that some younger guys dig us 40 something’s, never drink too much on a Sunday night, being a silver fox has benefits, you can no longer eat everything you want, you finally get use to being called “Sir”, sex is hotter than ever and the most important thing; never, ever, run out of ibuprofen and aspirin. No, seriously our bodies do begin to change and the reality is that you do feel a few more aches and pains’; however you have to stay active or things can get scary fast.
The friendships in our lives also start to change when you reach your 40’s and sometime this can be painful. There are a lot of people that you may have been friends with for years and years, then one day you look around and the relationship has changed. Some of those relationships are stronger than ever and are built to last; however others begin to fade due to distance, lack of common interest and sometime you just grow apart. Then there are those friends that are trying so desperately to cling onto what was in the past that they can’t move forward into the here and now.
Many gay men simply can’t embrace the reality that things change and time only moves one way; forward. When you’re 40 something it’s just not pretty to spend your weekends slung up in a bar, drunk, attempting to pull off an A&F outfit till three in the morning; that just doesn’t look good on anyone. You have to continue to make new friends, build new relationships and figure out which friends are keepers and don’t be afraid of the changes that life’s going to bring your way.
Being 40 something is a bold new world for me and I hear a lot of folks saying that the 40’s are the new 30’s; the jury’s still out on that one for me. In the mean time I’m just going to keep taking it all one day at a time and enjoying this great ride in the middle. I hope that you will enjoy reading about my insights, adventures and commentary on my life and the world I live in.
